Observing thoughts and feelings in meditation and when journalling, invites calm. This is a practise I’ve found very helpful. Experiencing things as transitory, rather than clutching onto them, has made a big impact. There is still stress – it’s our early warning system – thought it’s alleviated anxiety. There’s a sense of peace running beneath. The yearning to reduce anxiety while retain a strong sense of self are two sides of one coin. The gap between knowing intellectually I’m experiencing, though not actually the thoughts/feelings – and living it – is a choice that takes a moment (though it takes longer to integrate it as a practise). When I chose to be at peace with it finally, years of frustration dissolved.
The other day, something in the present triggered events from childhood. In both instances my reaction was the same. We all have moments that we carry into our future. Words spoken without intention of them echoing through the years. Working through all this is not an overnight job, though it is a worthwhile one. We all deserve more kindness and space for this. It reminded me that we are living organisms; constantly adapting and responding. I looked at what I and others needed in those moments. I’ve been finding small ways to share those things.
I needed to choose both. When I accepted I may always feel anxious at times and chose joy regardless, the anxiety gave way. In choosing both, I made space for what I’d been struggling with and what I needed. Frustration at the time things can take, still rears its head, so I’m working on patience. Given that its taken a couple of decades to practise experience without attachment regularly, I’m a slow learner… or the path of self-awareness is designed that way. Maybe a little of both 🙂